Do some looks, expressions, words, decisions, attitudes, behaviors, reactions from your boyfriend or partner have the power to make you lose your head without knowing where to find her?
And what do you usually do with the irritation you feel? Verbalize it or put it in and accumulate on “pallets”?
How do you interpret it? Like a danger? Like a warning and / or something natural?
If you interpret it as a danger to your relationship, it is natural that you feel like repressing it, keeping silent and keeping it to yourself. Fear and fear of the consequences can drive you to silence.
If it is perceived as a warning that something needs to be “looked at” more carefully and talked about, and that talking about what irritates us about each other is part of a relationship for two and is not synonymous with a relational catastrophe, on the contrary. , is a sign of affective maturity and a desire for joint growth, so congratulations!
If so, the way to perceive your irritation will surely be very different, and seen as a unique opportunity to understand what irritates you and why it irritates you, without panics, or fears of discussions, conflicts, wars, losses and / or the like .
If, at the beginning of the enchantment and falling in love, these irritations do not exist or are masked because passion itself masks them, as time goes by, differences appear and become more and more notorious, and “we are so alike and equal in almost everything ”can become the question“ if we are so different and that, frankly, irritates me, what do we do together? ”
This is precisely where the problem lies: The difference does not necessarily have to be irritating. It could be other things! It is only so when one or both want, albeit unconsciously, to exercise power, control and dominate the other. That is, let the other be your “clone”, think like him, decide like him, do like him, be like him. And sometimes, even if it is, it’s still not enough!
It is not your partner’s behavior that irritates you, it is you who decide, even unconsciously, to be irritated. And the proof is that many of his / her behaviors that did not irritate him at the beginning of the relationship, started to irritate him / her over time. And, why did this happen? Because they didn’t talk about these mutual irritations, afraid of the other’s reaction and I’m afraid the relationship would fly out the window, or go down the drain. How they didn’t talk about so much that was important to each of you and both! And since fear is almost always a bad advisor, they were both collecting irritations until they couldn’t take it anymore. A large warehouse full of irritation “pallets”, waiting to be seen and talked about.
Feeling irritated by what your partner says or does is natural and it is good that you feel it. It means that the relationship is alive and that the two are really getting to know each other. If you were dead, and he / she was indifferent you wouldn’t mind. It would be “equal to the liter”.
Thus, it is necessary to recognize the emotion “irritation” itself, and especially to try to understand its origin.
Is this irritation you feel related to any experience or experiences you have had? Is it associated with some people you’ve met in the past? Some attitudes and behaviors that irritate you in your partner can be very similar to the attitudes of people with whom you were intimate or related, in childhood, adolescence or even adulthood, and your mind can activate defense mechanisms to defend you of identical situations.
Does what irritates you share something too? Your difficulty? Anxiety, insecurity, fear, distrust, dissatisfaction, lack of proactivity and initiative, perfectionism …?
Try to find out what really irritates you, what specific behavior causes it, what is the irritation like, since when, how does it manifest, feel it, question it and ask yourself “could it be possible not to irritate me?” and “what keeps me from being calm?”
If you discover that what causes you such irritation has much more to do with your life story than with your partner, with your personality, with your desire to shape your partner, with your inability to manage the difference and your emotions, make a list of what irritates you and you cannot accept and question each of the items based on the questions in the previous paragraph.
After doing so, then yes, you will be prepared to identify what your partner does that he finds difficult to accept and that needs to be talked about and improved. Most of these requests will be based on your emotional, sexual, emotional, physical or other needs, and not any other reasons.
Keep in mind that perhaps what irritates you irritates you because you are already irritated by any other situation you are experiencing or have experienced. Companions are the people most exposed to the projection of all kinds of less positive emotions.
Ask yourself: is what really irritates me important? Does it have a purpose? Will it serve to grow as adults and as a couple? Learn to decide when to get angry, because it is truly important to you, and to distinguish from what is banal and unimportant. Learn to differentiate the irritation that can be a factor of positive change in the relationship, greater gratification and growth, from the irritation that makes them lose their time and energy.
Verbalize and talk about your irritations! Those that are worth talking about. Own or marital! Don’t be afraid to talk about them. Talking about them can reinforce the existing bonds, contribute to your self-knowledge and knowledge of the other and also raise your relationship to levels of greater acceptance, complicity and respect for difference, magnifying and strengthening your Love.
Verbalize what irritates you in each other, in an appropriate and respectful way, and also with a hint of sense of humor, because that will also contribute to reinforce your confidence in the proper expression of your emotions and feelings and the search for solutions and behaviors reciprocal characteristics more adjustable to each other’s expectations.
Feeling irritated is not a problem, it is a warning to avoid what could become a problem!
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